Bow-ManHis Fall

What brings you here at this late hour of night?

My time is close at hand. My debts

and credits do not square, so now

the ledger seals my fate after today.

Why do you speak in riddles? I came hear5

to ask about the topic “signaling”

which you had mentioned many times before.

Talk fast. This next bus up is mine.

Capricious fates! Then I have little time

to ask my question. You have often spoke10

of “signaling" and mysteries like these.

I have been thinking lately that our own

so-calléd “‘quiz bowl” game is signaling

and nothing else that’s intellectual.

Alas, my hour of death is close at hand,15

I see the bus approach. I leave you this:

Make haste and quest now toward the Sun

and at the Chesapeake our capital,

DC, shall find you there a sage,

by Robin Hanson called. He will teach you.20

Signaling is the cause of all our woes. And now farewell: to the Squid Game I

go.

What mage is this our Hanson who so strong

is knowledgéd in signaling, that I

must venture far to understand the light.25

First I shall seek the great philosophers,

And if they do my problem fail to solve

to Washington a plane ride I resolve.

I have a matter of philosophy

which I desire to discuss with you.30

The Bow-Man speaks. Say, Emily, have you

ever tried blind-fold archery.

I’ve not.

Then one might say, you don’t know what you’re missing!

Can chili practice archery?35

It can’t.

Because he didn’t habanero.

Ha! In truth we are such wise philosophers.

Worthy philosophers, I mean to ask

if all of quiz bowl is just signaling?40

If so, I do not want to play at all

and rather make more worthwhile pursuits.

The Bow-Man shoots his question, and so true

flies his swift arrow, one might call him Karl

Ay, quite the “Marx-man”, still might some declare45

he has his “drawbacks”!

Zounds! These great philosophers know nothing wise.

They only play unnecessary puns.

Tomorrow I will fly to Washington.

The Bow-Man leaves! I hope that on his plane50

the pilot uses some “arrow-dynamics.”

For 10 points each, name these commodities—

You fools! You know not what you do. You think

that this is wise? That this is virtuous?

Here is the greatest book since Homer sang55

of swift-footed Achilles; it is by

the great sage Robin Hanson, who from his

high office teaches us of signaling

in this here book: The Elephant in the Brain.

How much I love this game! Never have I60

such merriment as when I hear that sweet

toodle-oodle-oo, and say the little fact,

“SARTOR RESARTUS” or whatever else

may come up in a game while bowling quiz.

And yet to buzz is only signaling65

that you recall the works of Carlyle

more quickly than your adversaries do.

The goal of leading a life of the mind

is separate from the competitions which

inspire bowlers to learn binary facts.70

But it is fun to hear the toodle-oo

when buzzing with an accurate answerline.

Is it not just as good to know the answer

without a buzz? Internally it’s the same,

and only in the ears of those around75

is any difference made.

You literal goon.

This Robin Hanson doesn’t know a lot

about anything important to mankind,

like art, art history, and art historians.80

These are what make society advance,

unlike machinery, anti-malarial drugs,

the sanitation, running water, roads

and education, and et cetera.

But what if art is only signaling?85

The signalers will flock to see the works

of the “great” masters, more than replicas

because they care about the cost it takes

to make and view, like peacocks with the feathers,

Alack! I did not think of this before?90

My whole career’s caput! I take my leave

to meditate on this for some more time.

Yes, you will see the error of your ways.

If I had more Bezos money to bet

I’d wager you’ll be Justin Quitmar yet.95

I wonder why our Bow-Man thinks like this.

He’s gone to Washington. I hope that now,

at this Model UN, I’ll realize

the error of his views on signaling.

Regarding fishing in particular,100

in the South China Sea the fish are just

as much Chinese as the entire name

the sea itself has in my atlases:

“South China Sea”. It follows that the sea,

being Chinese in name, also has Chinese fish;105

as a result, it’s obvious to me

and to my government, the titular country

of the sea, that all the fish within

can only be fished by the Chinese ships.

“Model UN”? More like Model Yuan110

if this honorable delegate is believed.

The honorable delegate’s a goon

and didn’t make an argument that’s smart.

I motion to expel him from the room.

I am the chair because I have a gavel in my hand.115

I hit it all the time my delegates to reprimand.

Descartes thought that the soul was sitting in the pineal gland.

What was your question again?

Wise words, honorable chair.

This whole activity is so much noise!120

Besides signaling there is no substance here.

Honorable chair, this guy is out of order.

What country am I representing here?

Brunei. What is your stance on this?

This is all signaling! The Bow-Man’s right!125

The long shaft of his Bow of Wisdom, nocked

and loaded, fired into my heart and taught

me truth, that this depravity

must be avoided. Now I must depart

to Washington to join his pilgrimage.130

The light is shown to me. Now I am free

but I despair the thought of those who bowl

on after me, not knowing what I know.

I need a plan, a goal, something to do,

to save the quibbers from their signaling.135

My only light is Hanson, having met

his most-esteeméd person face-to-face.

His voice I hear, his rod and staff my comfort.

You need a plan to rescue all your friends.

Who voice is that? I thought I was alone.140

As long as you believe, you’re not alone.

It is the mighty Bezos! Save me now

from my dilemmas.

You must act at once.

Invite your comrade Mitch to Washington145

on some false pretext. I will use my skill

in magick to bewitch his laptop then

to hack into his access to the files

of ACF’s cabal, and then destroy

all copies of the ACF Nats set.150

Great Bezos, you’re the wisest man of all.

I’ll send a message now to Mitch at once.

But there is more. If Mitch types at his desk

as I unleash my magick techno-tools

then he’s electrocuted on the spot155

from the sheer techno-power of Bezos’s hack.

If you want him to live, make sure he leaves

his weak machine alone in a hotel.

The cyberweapon I’ll discharge at dawn.

What do I do now that I know the truth,160

that everything is only signaling?

I have no more desire to bowl the quib

and am propelled toward the poker game

by my inertia only. What to do?

Not everything is signaling alone.165

I agree.

Am I deceived? Is that Napoleon there?

It’s really the Great Men of history.

Just as the North Star keeps it course athwart

the tumult of the world, so is there stuff170

that isn’t really signaling at all

that’s still worth doing.

You are quite wise. I’ve made a plan.

I’ll book a flight to Poland in the morning,

thence to Lviv to do something that’s not175

just signaling like bowling quiz would be.

Uh, I . . . don’t this is wise.

Well yeah that didn’t work so good for you did it lol

Bruh.

How now, my friends, at our belovéd temple180

Do we advance our glorious cause, against

The dread obstructor Moscow Mitch, who while—

Is this the obelisk of Washington?

Of course. And wherefore come you now?

Are you an enemy or foe?185

Speak directly.

Verily, my name is Mitch.

Tear him to pieces, he is the senator.

I am Mitch the quibber, I am Mitch the quibber.

Tear him for his bad buzzes, tear him for his bad buzzes.190

But I am not Mitch the senator.

It is no matter, his name’s Mitch; pluck but his name out of his heart, and tear him

going.

Tear him, tear him!